Losing My Way. And Finding It Again.

I want to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers/notes/love for me last night. In hindsight, I can think of a number of things that triggered it, but not since the early days following Jordan’s death have I been filled with as much rage and pain as yesterday. It just erupted. (To this day, my oh-so-slowly-healing right wrist reminds me of the afternoon i found my son and hit my driveway so hard with my fist i almost broke my wrist.) Like Job, I screamed at God yesterday, “Why did You take my son?!!!” My body convulsed and I had trouble breathing. What ensued was a literal psychological & spiritual war. I scared my family and lashed out at them.

Then, I collapsed.

“I’m so sorry….I lost my way,” I told Macy & Michelle last night as we wept, prayed and held each other so tightly in our living room. I had lost sight of Jesus – and when that happens, especially after losing a child to suicide, all hell can break loose in a parent’s mind. Thank God almighty for a family who called on God’s Army of Prayer Warriors last night to help me, once again, “find my way” back to Jesus. You cannot know how grateful I am for your prayers.

The angel, Gabriel, told Daniel, “As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given.” (Dan. 9:23)

Leave a Reply