My friends, i so appreciate the prayer for me & my family over the weekend. I now am convinced I reverted back into shock this past Friday evening. It was frightening. I lost sight of the reality of Jesus – and all hell broke loose in my mind. But, Christ is faithful (not to mention modern medicine He has granted us) .
From “GriefShare.org”: “Shock is a sudden, violent disturbance to the body. The same term is used to describe the effect of an electric current passing through the body. You have likely encountered this paralyzing reaction in grief.” After I read this earlier today it occurred to me that’s exactly what happened when I collapsed on our floor Friday and my body went rigid. However,….
“Weeping (and debilitating grief) may last for the night,” wrote the psalmist, “but joy comes in the morning.”
Also from “GriefShare.org”: “It does get better; you will experience joy again. In her book ‘A Passage Through Grief,’ Barbara Baumgardner writes, ‘They told me one day I would go twenty-four hours without thinking of my loss. I told them they were crazy. They weren’t crazy; they were right. At first, I felt guilt, then elation.’ God is the source of your hope and joy. Believe these words of Jesus in John 16:20 – ‘I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.”
I don’t know if what I endured Friday was a normal part of the grieving process associated with losing a child to suicide, or a calculated attack by satan to destroy my faith, preventing the return of joy (which I can now see on the “horizon”). Perhaps a little of both.
What I do know is this. Apart from the power of Christ, and the love & support through His Body (you), me & family would never make it.